Thursday, November 13, 2008

Struggling with Holiness.

I was baking bread and having the kids sit at the kitchen table doing some school work when I couldn't help myself any longer. The thoughts racing through my head are so many and I have been thinking lately about what God wants me to do. I have begun opening my eyes lately to Him and the more open they become, the harder things seem to get. It's like being blind is so much easier. I wonder if many have this same struggle.

I don't think that what I do on a daily basis is any holier than what any other mom does. But at the same time I keep thinking that God calls all of us to be saints. We may fall short, but it we try we can make it closer than we ever thought. As the day to day of my life unfolds, I keep finding opportunities to become closer to Him. But I also find more and more obstacles, temptations, and ways to get farther away from Him. Is this common? I don't think I noticed this as much before.

Perhaps it is noticing the wrong that we do and how hard it is to change it. Or how much of a fight we actually have to put in order win the most simple battles taking place in our secular society. Prayer is so simple, but sometimes I find myself "squeezing it in" at the end of the day. And as I grapple with these thoughts, I feel like I keep getting more and more signs that my spiritual life should be the most important thing. I should emulate God in every way that I can, even through the most simple acts. Having children and being part of this family should only motivate me more as I am constantly setting examples for them. But being close to God, as easy as it is...can seem so hard to do. Maybe I'm thinking too hard.

The struggle with holiness is something I never in a million dreams would think I would encounter in my life. I am so far from holiness and have so far to travel to even touch the brink of it. But the thought that I can one day be what God wants me to be, is exciting and far better than anything else!

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