Wednesday, November 11, 2009

I Need Help Praying.

As I went to bed last night and contemplated the day's events, I began my nightly prayer routine. I have been in the practice of sleeping with a rosary tucked into my pillow. It does a good job of reminding me to pray the rosary nightly and I found that it helps to ease my stresses when I reach into my pillow case and feel the rosary in my hand.

Not too long ago, however, my pillow rosary got misplaced and I had yet to tuck another one into the pillow case. It's simply a thing I keep putting off and forgetting. But last night I noticed a pattern; since the "disappearance" of my rosary, I have had a hard time praying. My thoughts have become randomized and I have a hard time focusing on talking to God. Not only that, but my daily spiritual life seems to be in much more disarray. Even praying in the morning with the children is no help.

My days seem so much more difficult, even though the day to day routines haven't changed. Why am I so stressed? Why are all the little things getting to me? Why does my daily routine seem to be getting harder and harder as the day progresses, when in reality it's not? Why am I failing to see God in the little things?

But I've had an epiphany. I've made the realization of what it is that I'm failing to do that is making my life so much more difficult and miserable. I'm letting the days slip by me without allowing God to help me. I'm letting the mundane in my daily life control me. I'm failing to end the day with God, Mary, and all the saints. And I need them. I need all their help and I need all their prayers.

This morning, I replaced my pillow rosary. I began doing my daily reflection. I asked for help. I devoted 20 minutes of my time to our Holy Mother. If my suffering lies in doing 20 loads of laundry, then I will offer up my suffering to God. If my misery for the day is explaining a math problem over and over, then I will offer up my misery to God. If my attitude doesn't express love and patience, then I will pray for help in attaining love and patience.

Because I am not a holy person and because my life revolves around doing daily chores, I've decided that the best people to ask for help are St. Therese of Lisieux and St. Ignatius of Loyola.

All this because I lost my pillow rosary.


3 comments:

Christina said...

I know exactly how this goes Liz. This is a good reminder for me too. Thanks for this reflection.

LanaTron said...

Beautiful! Thank you for sharing that, it is a good reminder for me on where my focus is supposed to be.

artofmotherhood said...

Very humbling. Unlike other "supermom" bloggers, you admitted to a fault. We must remember we are daughters of Eve. The effects of original sin makes us weak, and we need God. As homeschoolers, our tasks are even more difficult as we add another obligation under our wing of responsibilities, but we do this out of love for God. Our Lady help you in carrying your cross of praying and holy martyrdom of Christian motherhood in post-modern times.